My Tantrum with G-D

by Yael Trusch

Having four kids, I’m no stranger to temper tantrums—those of my kids, I mean. I’ve had my share of 2-year-old (and older) kids kicking and screaming in frustration on my kitchen floor.

Somehow, I can keep preparing dinner while looking objectively at the situation escalating right by my feet.

I can think to myself, “I know you’re angry because I’m not letting you hold whatever dangerous object you want this second. But I also know that I love you and that you love me, and it is because I love you that I’m not letting you hold that object. So this tantrum is a reflection of how strong our relationship really is. It does not alter the relationship. The relationship is there, and nothing can change that.

“When the storm passes (i.e., you’re able to live with the fact that you will not get that dangerous object from me), our relationship will revert back to the loving one that it has always been and will always be.

“As a loving parent, I can handle your tantrum because I know three things with absolute certainty: 1) the anger and the pain will pass; 2) what I did is for your own good; and 3) it’s a pure expression of our loving relationship. In fact, I can thank you, my screaming child, for reminding me at this heated moment exactly where we’re holding. I love you.”

Truth be told, sometimes I’m not in that objective position. Sometimes, I feel like I am the child having a tantrum. I want to yell and scream in frustration and anger to G‑d.

“I do not like what You did. I really do not like it, and I can’t stand the fact that You did that to me/those I love. I do not like You very much right now. I want You to feel my pain! It hurts and You are responsible for the pain. Actually, I tried as hard as I could to change your will about this, but You didn’t. And it makes me mad!”

And as I wipe the tears on my face, I remember what it’s like when I’m the parent. I could kick and scream at You all day, but somehow I stop. Exhausted from a futile attempt at kicking and screaming, and with a heart shattered in pieces, I feel once more that ours is a loving relationship. And even though I’m not grateful for the tears, I am still grateful for the love. I know where You and I are holding. Thank You.

Do you ever feel like you’re having a tantrum with G‑d?


Yael Trusch is a mother, and author of the lifestyle blog, Jewish Latin Princess, where Jewish femininity takes a Latin twist. On her bi-lingual blog, Yael creatively inspires women to combine the physical and spiritual in everything they do. She holds women’s classes in Spanish and teaches brides and bat mitzvah girls.

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What is love?

by Shais Taub

Why Do We Ask, “What Is Love?”

Whenever we ask, “What is love?” it’s usually because a) we’re unsure if a certain special someone really loves us, or b) because a certain special someone just accused us of not really loving them.

When we are truly engaged in giving and receiving love, we don’t ponder such philosophical questions. It’s only when something is lacking that we begin to analyze and contemplate what that thing actually is. For example, nobody sits down to a full meal and asks, “What is a pastrami sandwich?”

It’s only when something is lacking that we begin to analyze and contemplate what that thing actually isSo, if we’re even asking the question, “What is love?” it probably means that we don’t feel completely loved, or that someone doesn’t feel completely loved by us.

But since we’re asking, let’s try to answer the question.

“Am I Loved?” Vs. “Do I Love?”

The two scenarios that usually cause us to contemplate “What is love?” give meaning to the question. Either we wonder, “Am I loved?” or we ask, “Do I love?”

It is easier to first address the “What is love?” question in terms of the love we feel coming toward us. If we understand how to recognize when we are being loved, we can also learn to recognize our love for another.

When we are loved, we tend to feel it intuitively in our guts. But how does it work? Is there an extrasensory perception in the heart that is able to read the feelings in another person’s heart?

In fact, it’s really not that ethereal or supernatural. On the contrary, it’s pretty practical and down-to-earth. Our hearts take cues from our senses. Everything we see, hear, taste, touch or smell teaches us about our universe. We don’t need to contemplate or ask questions. Our sensory organs report to our brains, and our brains interpret the data and send the report to our hearts. So, if we see a loving smile, hear loving words, or feel a loving touch, the brain processes this information and concludes, “Hey, we are being loved right now!”

In short, when we are loved, there is tangible proof. It’s not an abstract thought or feeling, it’s concrete and evidenced. As King Solomon wrote in his book of Proverbs (27:19), “As water reflects a man’s face back to him, so is the heart of one man to another.” This means, when you are treated with love, your heart feels that love.

Love is an Action

Now we can address the second part of the “What is love” quandary—how to know if we love someone else?

The answer is straightforward. When we behave lovingly towards someone, it means we love that person.

When we ask a question like “What is love?” we assume that we’re trying to define an abstract concept similar to “What is freedom?” or “What is good fortune?” But truthfully, love is not a concept. It’s an action.

To ask, “What is love?” is like asking, “What is running?” or “What is swimming?” If you’ve ever seen someone run or swim, you know exactly what running and swimming entail.

In order for love to be real love, it has to be expressed as an actionThe Hebrew word for love, ahavah, reveals this true definition of love, for the word ahavah is built upon the root consonants h‑v, which means “to give.” In order for love to be real love, it has to be expressed as an action. If you love your beloved, then you must show it. By the same token, if you are loved, that will show, too. You will recognize it by the way you are treated.

G‑d Teaches Us How to Love
G‑d commands us (Deut. 6:5), “And you shall love the L‑rd your G‑d.” This precept leads us to voice the age-old question, “How can we be commanded to feel a feeling?” Either you feel it or you don’t, right?

An answer offered by our tradition explains that we are not being ordered to feel a feeling in the abstract sense. Rather, the command is for us to behave lovingly. In this light, “And you shall love,” actually means, “You shall perform acts of love.”

This is the true test: action, deeds, performance.

Feelings can be deceptive. Sometimes, what we perceive as love may in fact be another emotion. But actions cannot be mistaken. So, rather than ask, “What is love?” we must ask, “Do I perform acts of love for my beloved?” and “Does my beloved perform acts of love for me?”

Rabbi Shais Taub is a renowned speaker and noted scholar on Chassidic philosophy. He is the author of G-d of Our Understanding: Jewish Spirituality and Recovery from Addiction. He and his family make their home in Pittsburgh, PA.

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